I call it a shadow because it was, is, and will be here every time, following my on every step. 

It is dark, untouchable, and it gets bigger whenever you get close to some light …

I have been fighting it my whole life, but you can’t fight your shadow. You just become friends with it or at least try, at the end, what really matters is your mental well being …

I thought I reached that somehow, I thought I reached that mental well being,

I never would have thought that a bigger test was coming along, and it was a challenging one,

Quarantine, (Let’s be honest, I didn’t even know this word existed before all of this Covid19 pandemic started), got me having all the free time in the world, doing everything I wanted to do for a while but couldn’t because I was “Busy”. All the baking, cooking, working-out, taking care of my skin, applying hundreds of masks to my hair, reading the books I wanted to read and finish … But my mind still finds a way … My second shadow is always near …

That’s when my mind eventually remembers the old friend, the shadow, since it has nothing new anymore to be distracted with …

It still blows my mind (My other nice mind heh) how I can put myself in really bad future scenarios and tell myself “this is how you gonna end up” and stressing over stuff because of course then I am gonna feel like a failure …

After three nights in a row of night panic attacks and crying myself to sleep, I woke up the next morning and said to myself “Okay, anxiety attacks, what’s new … oh actually! There is something new, we do not know when all of this is going to be over! So, if you don’t get yourself together, you’re just going to torture yourself every night until … we don’t know when”

And that’s when I realised that this shadow is there. It is stuck to me, but I’m the one who gives it direction, not the other way around.

And this old friend is like any other friend, it could be a bad influence but you can choose not to follow him/her …

You own your life, you own your mind and your thoughts, and if it gets too much, fight it, by nourishing it with many new stuff. The world is for you to learn and discover …